footprints in the sand.

"My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

Mmm that poem is uplifting. So inspirational.
And then "everything" by lifehouse always makes me cry.

Fights with my mom are always awful.
We hadn't fought in a while. But this was definitely one of the worst.

"you taught me how to lie"

If there was anything I ever learned from you. It was that.

Leila thinks I'm a good writer, I couldn't tell you why, but that made my day.

You built up a world of magic.

Sometimes I say things, only for sympathy.


I used to pretend to be hurt, because I loved it when you cared.
Does that make me a horrible person. Or does it mean, I just wanted love?
Because that's all I've ever wanted from you, nothing more.


You said I became so emotional. But thats because it was the only way to get you to show me love. When we'd hang out you'd hurt me. Constantly. Even when I asked you to stop. And that scared me so much.

I say I love you too much. To everyone. I don't think I know the meaning of the word. I certainly haven't been shown t that often. Thats why I love it so much when you say it to me. And I'd say it back. But, I don't think I know how to love.

I also say I'm sorry too much. I overused it so much I forgot what it meant.
But when I apologized to you. I meant it with all of my heart. And maybe more.


Ian Burbank. You are amazing. And I know that I love you. In a best friend kind of way :)
Thank you so much for always being there. Especially lately, with everything thats been going on, I need someone as great as you :)
And I hope I can help you out too.
I believe you when you say you'll never leave.


When you say I'm amazing, I just might believe you.

Remembering.

"I have the upmost faith that you will always make me proud. You're one of a kind Meg, don't lose that."

Even when I was eight years old, him saying that to me made me fly. The only person back then who seemed to care about me. I miss him so much. But in all honesty I think I miss the memory of him more. I don't remember much about him anymore. Other than he was always smiling.

Its crazy. I remember everything. People always remark on my memory. It's because of the fact that I over think, everything. But the one thing I want to remember. I can't.

Maybe that's the monster.
Not remembering everything I should. The things I should think about, I avoid.
Run away from.
Well, I'm done.

MY DEMONS.

I have nightmares about you now.
I haven't had a nightmare in a long time, not one like that.
I'm terrified of you.
I don't consider us friends.
Even though you said we were.
You're the one person who has the full ability to hurt me. And it seems like you've decided to take advantage of it now.
And the worst part is, you don't even know it.

Every detail drawn out. Everything so specific.
The demons I thought I got rid of long ago.
The monster. The monsters back.
You never knew about the monster.
But you drove him away for almost a year.
But there's nothing protecting me from him anymore.
I couldn't tell you what it is.
Or why I have it.
Or even why you were the one who made it go away.
But its back.
And its bite is sharper than ever.
Its claws ready to grab ahold of me.
Ready set go, I'm gone.
And I guarantee you, this time when I go under, its gonna take someone like who you used to be, to pull me up.

I think my heart just smiled.

Was this really neccessary?
You're stupid, I'm not wasting my time on you anymore.

I have nothing left to say to you.

Alsoooo, please ignore the first part of my blog yesterday. I didn't mean it.



I see you, and then I see your shadow. Shadows never change, not by much. To me, they're a reminder that we can never completely change who we are. For better, or for worse. I would know, trying to do complete changes in my life. But there's always the one part that stays.
Your shadow, is still exactly the same as the day I met you. So maybe, when I decide to talk to you again, everything will be the same. I can guarantee you, that in the past week, I've changed, almost drastically. This was the first football game I went to, where I didn't come home and have a breakdown.
I stopped feeling like I needed to call you.
I heard people call me names, and I smiled.
Nothing matters anymore.
There's only one thing I care about anymore.
And I am so, happy for this.
You would be too, if you cared anymore.


I just know now, everythings gonna be okay.
"Are you living?"
"yeah?"
"Then you'll be okay."
you're logic doesn't always make sense, but maybe for once you were right.
And I am okay, with or without you.

I'm mr brightside.

Aggravated, yes.
I am so done with this.
Waiting and hoping I'll "win".
It's stupid.
Lemme know if you actually like me, not because you had to choose between two chicks.

And you can go fuck yourself. I don't need your shit, nor do I want it. All you are is a liar. Someone who did the exact same thing as that other jerk. But I can say, I finally know why he did all of that stuff. You have no reason, other than you're a dick.

So whatever, I'm not going out of my way to talk to anyone anymore.