everything is okay.

You're only doing this, because you're upset I don't need you anymore.

I am so happy. Today was a good weekend.
And its not even over yet :)
I got to see you yesterday for a while. We were completely honest about everything. And you trust me that much more now. This is so worth it.
December 13 here we come :D
Alsoooo, your sister doesn't hate me anymore. I am so relieved.

That song you wrote, was amazing p.s.


I am so terrified now. I do this whole thing where I think I'm making a mistake and then ruin stuff for myself.
I pray to God everyday that it won't happen this time.


"all it takes is all we have"

"I think its time I should leave"

You have to tear down what was there to begin with, to buid something even better.
Its like when you clean your room. You have to like take everything apart, and then you have all this stuff everywhere, but then you clean it, and its so much better.


I love how that relates to everything. Its my ultimate pick me up with I'm down.


I think for the first time, you actually made me happy.
Telling me you knew everything about me. That I put on a fake smile every day.
I literally had a smile on my face when you said that, and there was nothing fake about it.
You spend all your time saying you don't care about people. But what about all those times when you forced me to open up. You cracked my shell, supposedly.
I think instead you cracked my spine.
I am so glad I only have my own expectations to live up to now. I don't have to worry about yours, and your constant criticizing.


I fell apart because of you. Not because of all the stress and everything I had to deal with.
You making me think I had to face all of this stuff. Even this lame stuff that doesn't matter to me at all.
Like this, for instance.
I can't say I haven't been this happy in a while. Because I have.
You just made my day so much better.

I've changed, yeah.
But for the better. I love where I am right now.
With God, with school, with everything.


you're stupid.
Erase me from your memory, and pretend everything that happened between us didn't.
I feel like you run away from things so much more than I do.


I am so pumped for Saturday.
I wonder if he sits around all day and during school wishing the week was over so we could see each other again.
:)





Please don't call me tonight. I won't answer. I'm not talking to people.

The bear and the rabbit.

I don't remember what that conversation was about. But I feel like it was something along the lines of me being a bear, and you'd be the rabbit.
And it's oh so true.
You're calm and innocent, and I'm loud and obnoxious.
A hint of innocence, but most of it was taken away.

My over touchiness? you became used to it a while ago. You just don't know why I am like that.
I wanna tell you everything that makes me, well me.
But I'm scared. You think I'm amazing, but what happens when you find all my demons? Will I still seem that way to you?
I'm terrified of losing you.
It's true that I don't exactly have you.
But I feel in my heart, that this is supposed to happen. And if God intends for it, it will.

Yeah, I think dating is lame nowadays. There's no point really. But there would be with you.

I've always believed that the point of dating was to find someone to marry.
So, yeahhh.
I dunno.

Too many thoughts are running through my head.
I can't keep track of them all.
God, you, school, God, Webster Kiddies, you, homework, you, praying, obstacles, God, you.
Oy, I need to take a step back and breathe a little bit. Decemberrrr.
Not October, not November, but December.
So stop for a minute. We don't even know how this will go. I don't know if I'm setting myself up for hurt again. But I know deep down you would never do anything like that.
You are the sweetest person I have ever met.

"And when I look in your eyes, I see a piece of me I was missing."

scary yes. But comforting as well.

One thing left to say, I can't wait till Saturday.

Is it creepy if...?

"Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?"- drops of jupiter by train.

People are odd. Don't know what you got till its gone? Possibly. I never meant to hurt you. Ever. But I didn't know you liked me either. I'm kind of disappointed.


"you're just the girl that everyone wants, you don't try to impress people, you're just yourself."

awww. I don't even know how to react to you.
You make me smile.
How nervous you get around me. You make me feel amazing.
You have a confidence that most guys don't. And innocence none have.


Ian Burbank, I still think you're amazing, and you are one of my best friends. Alwayssss!


"Itll still be two days till we say we're sorry" one week by barenaked ladies.

I miss you.

:D

"its like when the grinch's heart grows at the end of the movie, thats what happens whenever I see you"

awww. I don't even know what to say to that. I'll wait till December for you, of course.
And no doubt you'll be reading this since I gave you the link.


Do you like me, I can't tell?
Am I the direction you're going in, because I feel like the roads been closed off.
Maybe even a dead end?
I like you a lot, I do. But I've found that you really don't know what you want right now. And you really aren't ready for a relationship. I am. And if that means waiting for someone until December I don't mind. Because he is an amazing guy. And he's a Christian, double win!
I dunno, I told you I wouldn't wait, and so, I'm not. asdfghjkl; I sound like a terrible person right now. But I've realized that I need to stop spending all my time waiting for people. It just ends in wasted time. And maybe this wouldn't have, but I guess we'll never really know...
I'll call you tonight. We need to talk. oh, and thanks for the voicemail, it made me smile.

God is amazing.
people are good.
waiting is a waste.

I think I've learned something today.

By waiting for you, I found someone who had been there all along.

"It starts in my toes, and crinkles my nose."

"And after all, you're my wonder wall."

I still wanna be best friends for you. Always :)

Smile and the whole world smiles with you.

Because thats all you need to do to feel better sometimes.
Just smile.

Its not pretending nothings wrong. Or even covering it up. Its creating your own happiness.

I did that all at the football game, I just smiled.
When he looked at me I smiled. When I was practically frozen, I smiled. And when Garrett gave me a bruise, I smiled XD
But then you got there, and sat annoyingly close to the band. I frowned. A lot.
I cannot stand seeing you. I didn't know it could hurt to miss someone this much.
Or at least, not again.

Reckless tonight, I've waited long for you.


And I'm sorry we couldn't hang out today. I wanted to. I did.
:)
Oh well, just smile.


"And I'd die to win, Cause I'm born to lose"

cold hands. warm heart. warm hands, cold heart. maybe we can even each other out.

Did I really just consider that.
I think you're cute.
I know everything you've done.
But still, I don't think I'd mind getting to know you better.
GAGS.
NOOOOOO.
thats bad.


I wanna write more stuff here.
But I can't, because someone reads my blogs.
And if I say anything about how I feel, he'll see it.
I don't think he should know everything going through my head right now.
How amazing I think he is. How my heart speeds up when I see he's calling.
Even how I automatically feel better. I can't help but smile at the sound of his name.

Whoops, did I just write that?
Doesn't matter, thats not most of it.