I think my heart just smiled.

Was this really neccessary?
You're stupid, I'm not wasting my time on you anymore.

I have nothing left to say to you.

Alsoooo, please ignore the first part of my blog yesterday. I didn't mean it.



I see you, and then I see your shadow. Shadows never change, not by much. To me, they're a reminder that we can never completely change who we are. For better, or for worse. I would know, trying to do complete changes in my life. But there's always the one part that stays.
Your shadow, is still exactly the same as the day I met you. So maybe, when I decide to talk to you again, everything will be the same. I can guarantee you, that in the past week, I've changed, almost drastically. This was the first football game I went to, where I didn't come home and have a breakdown.
I stopped feeling like I needed to call you.
I heard people call me names, and I smiled.
Nothing matters anymore.
There's only one thing I care about anymore.
And I am so, happy for this.
You would be too, if you cared anymore.


I just know now, everythings gonna be okay.
"Are you living?"
"yeah?"
"Then you'll be okay."
you're logic doesn't always make sense, but maybe for once you were right.
And I am okay, with or without you.

I'm mr brightside.

Aggravated, yes.
I am so done with this.
Waiting and hoping I'll "win".
It's stupid.
Lemme know if you actually like me, not because you had to choose between two chicks.

And you can go fuck yourself. I don't need your shit, nor do I want it. All you are is a liar. Someone who did the exact same thing as that other jerk. But I can say, I finally know why he did all of that stuff. You have no reason, other than you're a dick.

So whatever, I'm not going out of my way to talk to anyone anymore.

its the way you say my name.

"and with that, she slammed the door in my face. But I wonder if it was in more ways than one."

This house is not a home. And the ways of it say it never will be.

It's almost like we all live in the jungle. Eating each other alive, to survive. Only, we feed off of happiness. Taking it away from each other, supplying ourselves with it instead. I just sit and watch. A bystander at most. Sit in my room and do nothing, until I'm disturbed. Until someone decides to suck away my happiness too.

I think I'll die the day I find how to ignore it all. A secret too great to be known for too long.

I think my heart missed a beat. Your words made my stomach flutter. Soon to be followed by a tightening feeling. Am I falling out, just as I fell in?

you're too far gone.

"I looked away, then I looked back at you. You tried to say the things that you can't undo, If I had my way I'd never get over you."

You were my everything. You went to just being something. I'm debating on whether you should be anything. You could be nothing. You could always be something. You'll never be everything again.

Your deep chocolate eyes are always there to confuse me. Lack of emotion it seems, over emotional all the same. Your eyes are what scare me the most about you. And always have. The fact that I can't tell what you're thinking through them. You're a mystery, one that I no longer have a desire to solve.

So, this might end up okay. Or could take a turn for the worst. I'll just have to wait and see. But will I have the patience...?

up, down, left, right.

It was a sense of control that probably shouldn't be given to me. I would never trust someone like me with any responsibility.

"you are strong. I can't say much else about you."
No. I'm a liar, and that's all I'll ever be. I've dug so far down, there's no way out anymore. Except for that one, but I couldn't do it. I'd fall so far. Farther than I've ever been. And to be honest, I don't know what would pull me out anymore.

"And I love that about you."
What do I say to you now? I haven't felt that way in ages. And now, you do? I don't know if I can retrieve the feelings from a year ago. I don't know if I want to.

But then, then there's you. The answer to my possible prayers. The ones I pray for, but don't expect to recieve. Does that make any sense? You're just, everything. There's no other way to describe you, really.

He's here. He sits on my couch like its his. Goes through the fridge like its his food. Talks to me like I should respect him. And I don't. I hope I never do. He tries to start conversation, but doesn't listen. He started to date my mom before they were divorced. And he expects me to respect him. I promise, that is the one thing I will never do.

scuffling through the leaves.

its that moment when you first walk outside. When you no longer smell the after time of a downpour, but instead your senses are filled with the signs of autumn.

I couldn't tell what it is about you. Just seeing you makes me smile. It's like every thing stops the moment I see you. Even in the crowded hallways, there's only you.


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I wish I could say that everything happens for a reason. And maybe it does. But they never say it's a satisfying reason.



My mood always fades in autumn. A complete sadness, but utter happiness as well.

____________________________________________________________________

I wanna know what it is. What it is that keeps us all going. And what makes some of us stop.
How friendships end over honesty instead of lies.

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I suppose you could say I've grown in the past few months. The only way I could say that would make some sense. But in the end I did more than grow, I became more of who I want to be.