Beauty is inner, not to be thinner.

It is so so sad to see so many girls struggling with anorexia, or bulimia, or even just binge eating, because they're unhappy with their bodies, or themselves in general.
To look in the mirror, and say "I am so ugly." "No one would ever want me" "Maybe if I lose a few more pounds." But how many pounds lost is enough? If you have never been happy with yourself, how will you ever know when you are?

Sure, I don't always look in the mirror and say "Gee, you're a ten."
It's normal to not be completely content with yourself. To pick out little things you wish you could change. But, being content with yourself overall, is such a far fetched idea nowadays.

So many girls rely on people telling them that they're beautiful. They just wanna hear " you are so pretty." "That outfit looks amazing on you." " You are the most gorgeous girl I have ever met." And yes, we all love flattery, but when you need to hear those things so often just to feel better, and you don't believe them, then that's when the problem arises.

The media. I know, I know, it's been talked about before. Many times in fact. But if it's been talked about so many times, why hasn't it changed? You hear all the time about actresses needing to lose weight to be in a movie. Why? Why do they need to lose weight? If they can play the role to a tee, why does dropping fifteen pounds matter?
Why do we need to edit girls in magazines to look skinnier, bustier, blonder?
They were chosen for the shoot, because they were thought to be beautiful. Not because they could be made to look beautiful. That's not fair.

Why is it okay to have other people judge what's beautiful?
Beauty wasn't supposed to be someone's outer appearance.
Inner beauty is, what beauty was.
The definition of beauty changes, almost constantly.
It used to be the more curves the better, being plump, being flat chested, and now it's being skinny.
And look what it's driven us to?
Eating disorders.
Something that is a daily task, became something deadly.
Young girls(and boys) are subjected to being told that they ARE NOT beautiful.
Teenage years are the most awkward, yes we know.
But did you also know that these are the years when most eating disorders begin?

We're in our awkward stages of growing up and finding ourselves.
Zits, weird body growth, etc. We start going through changes, and we're no longer who we used to be, who we were accustomed to.
These are also the harshest years. When taunting, and teasing becomes the worst.
You get picked on for the changes you're going through, that you have NO control over.
And then, of course, there's the media, making you feel worse and worse about yourself.

There are so many definitions of beauty right now.
And I can certainly tell you that I don't fit most of them.
Tall, bleach blonde? Nope, not me.
Not most people.

God created everyone differently. With all different shapes and sizes.
He created us all with different characteristics of HIM.
Not different features. No one has the eyes of God, or the height.
But we have the different personality traits.
Such as, being outgoing, or caring, considerate.
He created us in His image.
And he believes we're all beautiful.
We're all unique. Why would you want to look like everyone else, when you can look like you?
God, the king of the universe, the one who sent his son to die for us, thinks I'm beautiful.
ME. But not only me, you, and everyone.
When Jesus died on the cross, he saw everyone's face.
He saw mine, He was dying for me. He was dying for you.
He thought of, and loves, everyone.

These are the things I like to think about when I have a new zit on my face, or I can't fit into my favorite pair of skinny jeans anymore. That God thinks I'm beautiful. And if He thinks so, why should I care what other people think?

You are beautiful. And even if you don't stand up to everyone's definition of beautiful, don't let it get you down. Outer beauty doesn't stay forever. But inner beauty sure will :)






If you know someone with an eating disorder, or you yourself are struggling with one, please check out the links at the bottom of the page.


http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

http://www.something-fishy.org/

http://www.anad.org/

Or please call an eating disorder helpline. The one below is for New Hampshire residents.
If you do not live in NH, you can look up the number online, or contact me.

1-800-941-5313




Beauty comes in all different shapes and sizes.

You can make me whole again.

Respect goes two ways.
I wish you could fill us in on stuff every now and then.
I don't like finding out I'm moving, weeks after its been decided.
Nor do I like you not telling us where we're going, or how long we'll be here.
Please, just try to think of someone other than yourself for five minutes please.


I'm losing you.
And I think that may be the one thing I won't get over.


This is my cry for help.
This is my plea.
Please, just come rescue me.


Give me a sign or two, tell me if this is for real.
Or maybe, I'm just imagining it.
Please, God, I need this.


I miss you.
I love you so much, I just wanna know everything is okay.

Sometimes when you lose something, its better that you don't find it.

It's your actions without thought, that are the biggest disappointment.
The frustration of impulsive decisions.
Moments, of no regret.




Well, that was mildy uncomfortable.
Don't expect anything from me.


I love Reckless.
To a degree that I can't even begin to explain.

This blog is kind of pointless... Bego told me to update my blog. So, here it is.
I don't know why he wanted me to.
I didn't even know he still read these.
I LOVE BEGO TERZIMUSTAFIC!

I'm gonna go to Panera now :)

but its okay, because I've gone on.

"His concentration filled the room."

I wrote a song today.
I haven't done that... in about three years.
And well, I can see why now, because this song sucks.
Except for this one line : Hearts break faster than it takes to sing this song.
I liked that line.
But I think that may be the only one...
I suppose though, that most artists, do not like their work.
Although, that is because they are self conscious not because they suck.
And I, I suck.


I've learned that you shouldn't trust someone just because they trust you.

Also, just because a problem seems like its solved, it doesn't mean it really has.

My mother does not deserve all the effort I put into keeping the house clean.
So why do I do it? Because no one else will.
And sometimes I think it will make her proud of me, or something.
I honestly don't think that will ever happen though.
Nothing I have done, or ever will do, will change the deep hatred she has set deep inside of her.
Not necessarily for me, but for life.

It's different to see a teacher who has actual concern for me.
But two in one day, WOAH.
I normally have teachers like Ms. Mantineo, or however you spell it, telling me that taxpayers are wasting their money on kids like me. That there are so many poor people out there trying to get by, and using their money to pay taxes, so I can get an education. And education that I am throwing away.
Thank you.
I think that may have been the motivation I needed.
And I honestly, could never appreciate it more.


I've got tons of homework to do now.
And I am slightly aggravating my mother(but what else is new?).
The more I do, the more that is expected.
More work, less reward.
Is there any purpose in this...?

I must be going now.

Every time is a little more depressing than the last.


"drama doesn't follow me, it rides on my back. I may be ugly, but they sure love to stare."
Oh how true that is. Thank you Cute is what we aim for, for those amazing lyrics.

"I'm not coming back. I've done something so terrible. I'm terrified to speak, but you'd expect that from me. I'm mixed up, I'll be blunt, now the rain is just washing you out of my hair. And out of my mind. Keeping an eye on the world. So many thousands of feet off the ground, I'm over you now, at home in the clouds, and towering over your head."
And thank you All Time Low for helping me realize something I should have ages ago.

I'm not stressing over much anymore.
Midterms are over, and I did exactly how I thought I did.
I always seem to reach my expectations... Maybe because they aren't exactly high.

You are my absolute favorite person in the entire world.
You don't even understand.
And I certainly don't have the words to help you to.


My English teacher keeps telling me I should major in philosphy. That I'm a really deep thinker and an amazing writer. Maybe if I was going to college. But even then, I'm not that good at writing. I would be eaten alive by the amazing writers who would also potentially be in my class.
I don't think I could handle that. Being surrounded by tons of people who I know are better than I am.
It's that kind of rejection that keeps me up at night.

Some things never change. But isn't that an old story?
Maybe I was hoping everything there had changed. That it had magically gone back to the way I remember it. High expectations for everything except myself.
But it is helpful to know that my thoughts on the way Mcc is now, have been discussed, through my Dad. The fact that they are taking my input and actually using it, makes me have a little more hope.


I didn't know it was possible to miss someone you just saw, more than before you hung out with them. I guess I just didn't want it to end. Didn't want you to leave.
Clingy? little bit.