I always thought heartbreak was a metaphor.

Well, I suppose there are worse things that could happen.
And I've probably gone through most of them before.
With God, I can conquer anything.
Everything.

Things aren't working right now.
And unless there's a change, it's not gonna get better.
We have to stop ignoring everything, and shoving it behind us.
That's not how this works.

And that night was just deja vu. And I'm praying that this won't fail the same way we thought it wouldn't before.
I've seen this attempted before. I've seen it fall apart.
I don't want that to happen this time.
We need to be careful, because I don't want this to be added to my list of "used to be's".


Also, I'm not a fan of Mrs. Stuart's newest English assignment.
"When I was five..."
It's not fun remembering back then.
I know I need to, in order to do this project.

We had to do a quick write.
When I was five; a list.
Now that I'm sixteen; another list.

Here, I'll show you.

When I was five:

• My mom used to make me wear ugly dresses to church.
• My favorite color was pink.
• I went to a small, lovely church.
• All of my siblings lived with me
• I had a family

Now that I'm sixteen:

• My mom doesn't even talk to me
• I hate pink, and my favorite color is orange
• I still go to a decently small church, but it's not the same as back then
• Only Mel and Josh live here now
• I still have family, but not a family

It was really hard to come up with things that weren't really depressing.
And even the stuff I came up with wasn't that uplifting.
How am I supposed to write about this stuff...?

The teachers know about my life, it's a small school, they know what I've gone through.
But they know through my dad's eyes.
Which is probably the worst perspective to go by, besides my mother's.

You know, I'm just kind of blabbing.
I haven't blogged in a while. I felt incomplete.

Also, I don't have anyone to talk to anymore.
Kenny and I aren't supposed to text as much.
Which is really hard to deal with, considering everything going on right now.
And I practically got rid of the person I talk to about everything.
Well, not got rid of, but I'm sure you know what I mean...
So, in the end, I'm left alone. Just like always.

And do not tell me I shut myself off, because the only reason I do, is because everyone leaves when I open up.
No one can handle my problems, which makes me wonder how I do.