Why am I so unwanted?

No, Meg, you aren't unwanted.
You just feel so inadequate when you don't get the attention you deserve.
You feel unimportant if people don't pay attention to you.
Sure you're fun for a while, but then people get bored of you.
Your repetitive jokes, your sarcasm, your obnoxiousness.
You're too much.
This is why you get bored at parties after a while, and end up going home feeling depressed.
You like people who pay attention to you.
And when you don't get what you want, you go into a corner hoping someone will notice, that someone will care enough to see whats wrong.
Then they come over and ask you, and you say that you're fine.
You hope and pray that they'll pry, but no one ever cares enough to.
No one has ever cared about you as much as you'd like.
No one's ever cared.

It's like that gosh darn muffin this morning.
Everyone always loves the top of those muffins, it's always their favorite part.
They eat that part, and then don't want the rest.
The top makes it look so appetizing, so appealing.
It makes the muffin look good.
Everyone loves the top, they don't love the muffin enough to dig deeper, to eat the whole thing.

People love the outside layer of me.
They love that I'm always happy, always cheerful. I don't want that label anymore.
I don't want to be happy anymore. I'm dealing with so much and no one takes the time to ask about it, except for Corey Farr.
The only person in a long time, who makes me feel like he cares.
He pries, but not in a rude manner.

Why hasn't anyone cared since my grandpa died? Since then, till now.
I help everyone else, but no one cares about me enough to ask me how I'm doing, and to actually listen.


Even my closest friends, aren't that close.

I'm so closed off. I convince everyone into thinking I'm fine all the time.
I just wanted to let you know, that I'm not.


Is this me just craving attention again?