And your faith really shows when...

"You can really tell God is in the middle of this."

I really, really hate when people say things like that.
Why is it that people only say things like that when God is working through the bad stuff?
No one really says anything like that when everything is going amazingly.
Why doesn't anyone say it when they see a child smile, or when its sunny outside, or even when it's raining outside. When they find true love, when there's an amazing sunset, or when they've found something they've lost.
Everyday occurrences are so overlooked.
I try to thank God with everything as the day goes on. But I still overlook the small things.
I'm not saying I'm any different, but the statement in quotes up above, makes me a little upset.
God is working in the middle of everything.
Just because you see it more, doesn't mean He wasn't there before.
And when you see it less, it doesn't mean He deserves any less praise.

"You can really tell that God is working in the middle of everything."


I very much dislike it when people won't admit their faults as well.
I have two people I know who butt heads all the time, because they both become angry extremely easily.
But neither of them will admit it.
One of them even has the nerve to say that he hasn't gotten angry.
I'm sorry, but normally when you're yelling and storming off, people are going to think you're a little mad.
But you know, maybe I'm just reading those signs wrong.




Something else that makes me pretty annoyed, is when people do whatever it takes to make you feel guilty. SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER.
All day long its: "I'm trying really hard to make things better." "If you would just look at it through my perspective." " I thought you guys appreciated the changes, guess I'll have to try harder."
You expect way too much from us.
And I don't appreciate it, so maybe if you could just stop for one second, and think about it through someone else's perspective, rather than always making everyone look through yours.



I feel sick... again. And Melly has a stomach bug, so this should be fun.


Also, please don't misinterpret the above paragraphs as me being angry at anyone.
I'm just kinda frustrated that everyone is so set on making themselves look good, that they don't do anything to actually make themselves good.

Hi, this is meg from trilogy wheelchair services

I love my job. But to a degree it really frustrates me.
Talking to people with so many medical issues, where most of them go to the doctor at least once a week. How do you comfort someone who knows their end is near?
Also, you can tell who is actually happy with their lives, and who are not, just by talking to them for a minute on the phone.
The ones who answer and you can tell they're smiling as they talk to you, give me hope. And they always seem to be the ones with terminal diseases.
And then, the ones who are quite obviously annoyed that you're calling them, well, they're lives are better off than some. Not perfect, but better off.

You can even tell when you talk to receptionists at doctor's offices. Which of them are happy to be there, happy to be helping people who can't help themselves, and the ones who just think everything sucks.

And if I read this much into the way they sound on the phone, it makes me wonder, which of the two am I?

Construction site.

It really is a sudden thought in an important moment.
A sudden thought that can change absolutely everything.
Absolutely everything, that was fine just the way it was.

When I want change, it doesn't come. And when I like the way things are,
change comes through like a wrecking ball.

Who knows how this will go. I like to think I can handle anything that comes my way. Because I can. But sometimes, I just don't want to.
I'm too lazy to even fix my own life.
But no one is ever too lazy to complain, huh?

He didn't stay in the grave, and He's not staying in heaven forever.

Because I'll be there,
and then I'll be gone.

I could never stay in one
place for too long.


So I decided that eventually I'll post some of my entries from my journal. The one without lines... Which is kind of annoying. But it's purchase helped children in Yuganda, so why not?


Anyway, a lot of the entries from that journal will eventually be posted.
Censored to a degree, however, since I'd rather not express all of my thoughts here.
I'm just not open enough to write down everything.


It's the story of the trials and journies, the battles, good and bad. Conflict and community. An account of God's work. Tales, mostly not exaggerated... God's glory from and unusual source, an unlikely perspective.


^^ That was my original plan for my blog.
I can honestly say I haven't really stuck to that outline.
Mostly the focus on God part. I really haven't done a good job
of that in everyday life, not just my blog. Its true that I never
really expressed that intention. I still feel the need to apologize
for it. Whether or not it's to comfort me, isn't important.


So, sophomore year is over. I am so happy.
But in a really weird way, I'm kind of sad...
I don't think I could explain it in a way anyone would understand.

Guess it's time for another end of the year thing.



TOP TEN MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE THIS YEAR.

1. Jesus. Pretty sure He should always be number one on my list.
2. Kenny Hollingsworth. He's so completely different than the norm. It's pretty much amazing. He's usually there to give me a spiritual boost:)
3. Corey Farr. He's always there for me, even if that means waking up at four in the morning rofl. He's a good kiddo.
4. Matt Jenkins. He doesn't know it but he always makes me laugh. He's funny and somewhat intelligent ;P He makes my day.
5. Melody Delaney. Okay, yeah she's my sister, but she has a huge influence on me. She's such a sweet kid. And she deserves so much better than what she's given.
6. My Mom. Let's not even go into that one.
7. Chris Tapia. What an awesome kid haha. I can't even explain how awesome he is. He's just one of those friends who you never, ever wanna lose.
8. Andrew Stencavage. I don't wanna talk about it.
9. Bego Terzimustafic. Awesome person, but like everyone, he has his moments.
10. Cam Wright. I love this boy haha. Even though he thinks I'm a tool sometimes:D He has a good heart :)

TOP TEN BEST FRIENDS THIS YEAR.
1. Kenny Hollingsworth.
2. Melody Delaney
3. Aura Wood.
4. Lauren Makarawicz
5. Corey Farr.
6. Theresa Mequid
7. Chris Hughes
8. Taylor Crowder
9. Michi Tassey!
10. Brian Tassey

TOP TEN MOST LISTENED TO SONGS
1. Everything you ever wanted by Hawk Nelson(due to singing this song in a talent show rofl.)
2. You make me smile by Blue October.
3. Firefly by Jimmy Needham.
4. I can only imagine by Casting Crowns.
5. East to West by Casting Crowns
6. Hosanah by Hillsong
7. Who am I by Casting Crowns
8. Fire Fall Down by Hillsong
9. Everything by Lifehouse
10. Better is One Day by Third Day


GOALS FOR THIS SUMMER
1. Live out God's plan for me as much as possible.
2. RECKLESS CAMP! Follow God's plan during it, and help others live out His plan for their lives too.
3. Jump on a trampoline until I can't walk.
4. Get a new phone rofl.
5. Save up for Driver's ed.
6. Go to at least two shows.(soulfest doesn't count.)
7. SOULFEST!
8. Spend as much time with my Lord and Savior as I do with my friends. If not more :D
9. Plan a party at my house. With a bonfireeee.
10. Take whatever comes my way.

I am so pumped for Reckless camp. Stoked, even. You have no idea.

So after writing all of that, and looking at my blog about the end of the last school year, I finally realize how much things change over time. When you take it day by day, it doesn't seem like anything has, but when you look back, everything has. With change comes pain. But with pain comes strength. And once again as I said last year, I am even stronger than I was last year.

I wasn't as emotional as last year, and I was a lot less dependant on people. I think this year was worth it ;)

I'm getting paid for this.

It's been a while. But I keep getting pestered about not blogging.
I have a really long entry that I wanna put on here when I have time.
But for now, you'll all have to accept a somewhat short blog.
Considering I'm not supposed to be on right now...



So, five more days, and I'll never see you again.
I'll do whatever it takes to make sure of it. As well as whatever it takes to get rid of those memories.
Yes, you played a roll in my life, but no, it's not going to exist anymore.

I gave a message at Reckless on Saturday.
Terrified out of my mind.
Supposedly I did a good job. I'll leave it at that.

Things are better now.
You can still see my dad's anger gleaming under the surface sometimes.
I won't react until it comes to shore.

Melly isn't doing any better.
Honestly, I think things have gotten worse.
She misses her freedom, and in reality, I do, too.

Being able to do whatever, whenever was nice.
Obviously nothing outrageous, or rebellious even.
But, not having people care is kind of something I enjoy.
I don't normally like people worrying about me, caring about me.
I've never seen it as worth it.
But the few people who care now, I wouldn't trade them, or that, for the world.

I feel as though change is something I love a little too much.
The other night I actually said that nothing ever changes drastically enough for me.
It's true, I adjust easily.
It's hard to make me feel awkward. Angry. Nervous(unless I'm giving a message apparently). I want to be uncomfortable.
I don't want the world to be my confort zone anymore.

My job has lost it's thrill. Now its just another agonizing part of my day.
Something that gets in the way when all I wanna do is sleep.

My anxiety has surprisingly gotten worse. And as for the nightmares, more detailed and gruesome. I swear, I could make best selling horror flicks out of those.

So, I lied about this being short. I'm just trying to kill time. Letting out anything that comes in my head.

I know I normally put quotes in here, but since my blog isn't one of my main priorities anymore, I haven't been saving any.
I don't carry a notebook around anymore. I haven't in a while, really.
When I get a computer I'll work on it again.

I'm working really hard on making God most important in my life now.
You could say I'm failing epically.
But I'm also doing a lot better than I have been.
I'd say that's pretty alright.

Till next time, farewell.