I'm getting paid for this.

It's been a while. But I keep getting pestered about not blogging.
I have a really long entry that I wanna put on here when I have time.
But for now, you'll all have to accept a somewhat short blog.
Considering I'm not supposed to be on right now...



So, five more days, and I'll never see you again.
I'll do whatever it takes to make sure of it. As well as whatever it takes to get rid of those memories.
Yes, you played a roll in my life, but no, it's not going to exist anymore.

I gave a message at Reckless on Saturday.
Terrified out of my mind.
Supposedly I did a good job. I'll leave it at that.

Things are better now.
You can still see my dad's anger gleaming under the surface sometimes.
I won't react until it comes to shore.

Melly isn't doing any better.
Honestly, I think things have gotten worse.
She misses her freedom, and in reality, I do, too.

Being able to do whatever, whenever was nice.
Obviously nothing outrageous, or rebellious even.
But, not having people care is kind of something I enjoy.
I don't normally like people worrying about me, caring about me.
I've never seen it as worth it.
But the few people who care now, I wouldn't trade them, or that, for the world.

I feel as though change is something I love a little too much.
The other night I actually said that nothing ever changes drastically enough for me.
It's true, I adjust easily.
It's hard to make me feel awkward. Angry. Nervous(unless I'm giving a message apparently). I want to be uncomfortable.
I don't want the world to be my confort zone anymore.

My job has lost it's thrill. Now its just another agonizing part of my day.
Something that gets in the way when all I wanna do is sleep.

My anxiety has surprisingly gotten worse. And as for the nightmares, more detailed and gruesome. I swear, I could make best selling horror flicks out of those.

So, I lied about this being short. I'm just trying to kill time. Letting out anything that comes in my head.

I know I normally put quotes in here, but since my blog isn't one of my main priorities anymore, I haven't been saving any.
I don't carry a notebook around anymore. I haven't in a while, really.
When I get a computer I'll work on it again.

I'm working really hard on making God most important in my life now.
You could say I'm failing epically.
But I'm also doing a lot better than I have been.
I'd say that's pretty alright.

Till next time, farewell.