Meg! Do you wanna get abducted?!

Meg, you know I've been wanting this as long as you have, maybe even longer?
What's with these dreams? I'm not okay with them. Sure they reflect everything I wish had happened. What I wish could still happen. But I'm in no place to be having these dreams.
Why can't I just be over this? Why can't it just go away. I have a feeling that you didn't wanna do this. And I hope you feel bad for hurting me so much. Couldn't we just be friends again? Couldn't we just talk again?
I wish this had actually happened, but it didn't, it never will. It can't. Good thing this was all just a dream, right? It doesn't mean anything. It's like the elephant dream. Do you remember that one? Well, I do. It was a stupid dream, but that one was trying to tell me something. But this one, this one doesn't mean anything. This one can't mean anything.


I hung out with Chris and Stuart till like one in the morning last night.
We ordered a pizza, and gave the guy $18 in dimes and quarters. He was genuinely pissed off. When he left he called me a bitch. I don't think he knew then that we only gave him a seventy five cent tip.
I hate the things these boys make me do<3
We went to Troy's earlier. Ha, travis. I had hoped I wasn't going to see you.
>.<

I love how when I call Tim now, I end up talking to his friends, not him. Like I talked on the phone with greg for like an hour and a half the other night, before he put me on speaker. And then when I called you yesterday, Taylor picked up and asked if I wanted to get abducted. And then you asked.

I'm so glad you're okay. You could have gotten really hurt. :/




Like a runaway
Spend these nights counting stars
Like a runaway
And maybe I could call this home tonight
Like a runaway - runaway by thriving ivory

jumanji.

I look to the heavens, but all I see is clouds- akl.
you guys are pretty okay(:

Meg, why are you doing this to yourself.
please stop. All the other times, you ended up losing the best thing you've got going.
Don't do it again.

I only wish me telling myself was enough. It's gonna happen, I know it will, I'll come up with some lame excuse. And that'll be the end of it. I don't want it to happen. But in a way, I kind of do, this what I do, this is who I am. And I can't believe the reason I have this time.
>.<
What is wrong with me?

I can't do this again.


I didn't go to school today.
I was soo sick.I threw up like fourteen times>.<

my mom and I are trying to order Chinese food. I really want tofu(:
really really badly.
whatever though, I'll probably just end up throwing it up anyways.

get your wing son.

"I'm stealing your orange juice"
"No, Stuart, my mom just bought that, she'll be so pissed at me."
"Okay then, look that way while I leave with it, so when she asks you can say you don't know happened to it."
"No, Stuart, give me back my orange juice."
"I'm putting it back!"
"No, I'm taking it."
"That's not fair! I was gonna pretend to put it there and then take it."

haha, I love my best friend. Is it not enough that he drinks out of the carton?
But he steals food from Troy's house and brings it to me, so its okay. Mmmm, Framboises:DDD

(8:00:25 PM) troy: so cute
(8:00:34 PM) meg: what?
(8:00:37 PM) troy: you and tim
(8:00:45 PM) meg: haha why do you say that?
(8:00:55 PM) troy: saw you guys kissing today
(8:01:01 PM) meg: where? haha
(8:01:05 PM) troy: and then your bag fell off your shoulder
(8:01:13 PM) meg: haha. when?
(8:01:51 PM) troy: today around 2:40

I think Troy is the biggest stalker I've ever met(:
What a creeper.

So dude gave me his number at the pizza place.
Why are guys noticing me all of a sudden? They've never noticed before.
Has something changed?


HAHA, "is she sitting with us again tomorrow?
she was pretty cool. I was dying all of lunch. it was amazing."
you were pretty chill, too. The only reason I sat there though, is because I needed food(:


"You can find him sittin’ on your doorstep
Waiting for the surprise
It will feel like he’s been there for hours
And you can tell that he’ll be there for life"- daydreamer by adele.

please meg, don't let you do this to yourself. You have a good thing going. A great thing. Don't let yourself ruin it, not again.

"hahaha well then she must be a lying stupid cracker bitch, no you know what? she wishes she could be a cracker :) lol"
you know what kid? we could be best friends(:
And I'm glad you said you're okay with that. Because it doesn't matter if you are, or not, but agreeing with me, just makes it easier:D
I sound so creepy(:


This is a pointless blog.

I'm supposed to be doing my science project, but instead I'm playing twenty questions with Alex...
and on the phone with timmm!
(:

Go directly to jail, do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

I feel, dead.
yes that's the word, and Case pointed it out to me. She wasn't telling me I'm dead, but the way she described it, I knew it was me.
I don't care anymore, I go home and sleep. It's all I do. And when I'm awake all I think about it going back to sleep. I realized I was never stressed when I used to do this either. I just, didn't let anything effect me
" I have this halfway place, a rest stop on the road to sleep, where I can lay for hours. I don't even need to close my eyes, just stay under the covers and breathe."- Speak.
This, explains it perfectly. I don't think about anything, I just lay there. It's my way of running away, just not acknowledging anything. You called me today, while I was in my favorite place. You called to tell me about our date tonight, and how it wasn't gonna happen. I said it was okay, and you said as you always do, "No it isn't", sweetie it is okay, it means I can just lay here for so much longer. There's nothing wrong with me, I promise, this is just how I cope. This is how I make sure nothing gets to me. Why do you think the whole Xander thing didn't bother me for so long. It wasn't until you told me I needed to stop running from things that I realized how much I missed him. You helped me get over that, too. You're always there. But you've never known the girl, the one who I really am, the one dead to the world half the time.

I should be doing my assignments due tomorrow, but I just wanna lay here for a while longer. Maybe, just maybe, this is why I did so terribly last semester. I procrastinated, in the worst way. I procrastinated without doing anything at all. I procrastinated life.

I hoped it would just go on without me, so I could lay there, and just watch everything change. But I've changed, too. I had to. I didn't want to. No, I just wanna go back to seventh grade, when my parents were together, and everything was okay. Yeah, I was still keeping a horrible secret, and yeah, life wasn't amazing exactly. But it was the best time of my life. Or on field day last year, when you just lay there on the grass with me, and we made clover jewelery, those were the things that made up my life. Just the small things.

I played monopoly with Avery in study hall today. And it made me wonder why I liked him for so long, haha. But it also made me think about life. In a weird way, that only I'd understand. There was something about playing monopoly that made me think about things I'd like to change. Things I might not be able to change. Things that will never change. And the things that I wish would change, but the way they look now, it doesn't look like they will.

This is a depressing blog.
I don't know what's wrong with me.
But babe, can you let me run away for a little while, just let me go back to the way I was? I need to get away from everything for a little while, just recharge I guess you could say.

For now, I'm just gonna go back to sleep.
No, no, I can't. I need to do my assignment.
I have to do it, if I wanna get into a level three english, I need to do this.
And if I wanna pass science this semester, I need to do this. I'm gonna do this.


my mom brought home the divorce papers yesterday. No one understands how much this hurts.

I'm just gonna go lay down. Let this all pass over me.

It sounds like winter.

HAHA, spending after school with Megan and Erika practicing; best way to spend my time.
I still wicked need to talk to Megan though...

Nihco and Stuart, two of my favorite people, but alas, I do not particularly favor walking in the twelve degree weather in dark. HAHA, but of course Stuart, being the tank he is, was not wearing a shirt. I'd say that's pretty impressive.(:

And frankly Mr. Sterling did you really have to make me talk to the one person I'd rather not speak to?
But I mean, it didn't go as bad as I thought it would. It was almost like we were friends again. I know that the way I said things to him were just cold, but he didn't get angry with me. And we just talked. Well, about him lending me a baritone sax, but still. Even though I know we aren't friends and that we won't be ever again, it's cool to know he isn't gonna be a dick to me(:


Sorry about this morning sweetie, that was my bad.
>.<



Things didn't go the way I thought they would at lunch. If I knew we were only gonna talk about scheduling I wouldn't have bothered.

"I dropped out".

I don't wanna talk to you.
Please, stop messaging me.
The last thing I need is you back in my life.
I can't deal with you.
And I may seem fine, but I'm not.
Just stop. You know this is a bad idea.

We are better together

God.
His name. It's so simple. But yet he's complex. He works in mysterious ways. And I never know what he's gonna do next.
Fate; I don't know if its fate exactly, I think it's destiny, God's intention. The fact that I told Case I'd go to church today, what was that about? I did not intend to go to church today, or ever again. Well, not THAT church. So why did I go? Well I'll tell you this: being with my kids again in the rockers room, playing with two year olds again. Sitting in service, and for the first time in a long time, actually paying attention, make me wonder why I don't continue to go to church.
But then there's you. You came up and talked to me for the first time in months. You have no idea how much that meant to me. But you don't understand that it hurts when you act like nothing happened, and that we're back to the way we used to be. Because you stopped talking to me for months. And you can't just act like that never happened.

I went to reckless last night. And, I don't think I can explain this through words.
"God is gonna be in this room tonight."
I thought this man was stupid. God? Ha. There's no such thing. Where has God been these past few months?(He was there, I just pushed him away.)
Laughing at this man, was the stupidest thing I've ever done. Because twenty minutes later, I was crying my eyes out, and pouring my heart out to this lady I'd hardly just met. I want God back. I do. I realized that even though I forgot about him for months, he never gave up on me.


Please hold me close
I can’t stop shaking
It’s not for fear
My walls are breaking down- can't live without you by Bebo Norman
I wish I could go to his concert.
He's amazingggg(: