Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"And the night is so long when everything's wrong."

"The day I see your father angry is... You know, I can't even imagine."
I didn't even know what to say to this lady. She and my dad love each other... that's the most obvious thing in the world. But neither of them will take a step towards the other.
My dad uses Mel and me as an excuse, one that she accepts. But I know, he loves her too much to scare her away with his problems.
I want my dad to be loved, to feel loved, but I don't know. This lady... I don't know if she could deal with all of his anger problems.

I really hate learning things that my mom has said or done.
For some reason I still try to hold her on a pedestal. As though the past few years never happened. Like we're okay now, and she's just on another one of her weekend trips... One that's lasting a bit longer than the rest.
Like she's gonna come back and try to win us over with a cheap gift all over again. Her attempts at trying to get us to respect her, when she gave the least amount of effort possible.
Kind of like when I know I could ace a test if I tried. But I don't study, and barely get by with a 65.
But you know, she wasn't even giving that much effort.

Everyone's anger issues around here is really starting to rub me the wrong way.
I don't know how much more of this I can take before I boil over.
Two years of holding it in...
This isn't gonna last much longer.

God, help?

I didn't even write about how frustrating this night has been.
Gah, I really don't know how to vent do I?

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