Just another perfect day in a year of imperfection.

I don't know what it is about this song, It makes me so happy, for no apparent reason.

"Its the feeling I get, my arms would sweat, like some kind of daydream I'd never forget. I'm stuck in this spin, where does it begin? By touching the edge of her skin." It could just be the singers voice. He always captivates me.


Pastor Dave said to me that if you feel guilty after you do something, it means you're more conscious. That if I was guilt free, it'd be much worse. I asked if it was awful that I knew when I was doing something wrong, but I didn't stop. He said that if I do it often, it's a problem, and that I should pray about it. I have a problem.

It's just another huge lie I tell that everyone believes. I wish someone would call me out on it, so maybe, just maybe, it would bring me down to earth. Maybe it will help me stop.

Why has everyone been talking about cheating lately? I wish I could drown out things I don't wanna hear. Not my flaws, I appreciate when people point them out, it helps me fix them. I wish I could drown out sex jokes, swearing, gossip, just the things that aren't helping me with my journey. Who knows, maybe I can drown it out.

"Could you be the one whose not afraid to look me in the eye?" This song has played at least twenty times now.

I made a mistake last night. I knew I would regret it right after I did it. I did it anyways. It wasn't a sin, just something I'd have been better off not doing.
I needed to tell you... I didn't. I rambled on, but I never said it. And now, it'll never be said.

I went to the hairdressers today. She cut my hair wayyyy too short. And I am not pleased.
I just wanted a trim :(

But anyways, I was walking home, and it was mostly dark outside. Except, there was still some traces of the sunset in the distance. On the cities horizon, with the bright orange surrounded by the dark night sky, with the buildings all lit up, and the city ablaze, it was beautiful.

"I have to tell you that I cant stop thinking about you"

So many things in my life are amazing, absolutely beautiful.
Someday, I'll learn how to love the good things, and let them outweigh the bad.

"Meg, you need to get up. You need to think about how hard I'm trying for you. How hard this will be, but without your cooperation, nothing can happen."

I'm sorry. I'll try harder now. I promise.

"If you do this for me, I will do anything you want me to. NO listen, ANYTHING you want me to."

Thanks. I'm not interested. Not in the least.


p.s. that song is called you make me smile by Blue October.