old decaying tree.

Ignore my post from yesterday.
I wasn't mad at you, I had a good day.
Until I got home.
But isn't that the way it always goes?

My mom went away for the weekend.
Apparently Lauren's sleeping over tomorrow?
RECKLESS.
Maybe I'll actually get to talk to you about what I need to.
church Sunday.
oh, and of course, homework.


Just smile.
Even if it starts out as a fake smile, you can make it real.
I don't fake smiles, ever.
Smiling shows that you're happy, but, you can smile to make yourself happy.

Mr.Sterling wanted to know why I didn't stop smiling during band today.
I told him that I finally understood.
Which he didn't understand.
But it doesn't matter.

"According to you I’m stupid, I’m useless, I can’t do anything right. According to you I’m difficult, hard to please, forever changing my mind."

"But according to him I’m beautiful, incredible, he can’t get me out of his head. According to him I’m funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted."

It's such a change.
The future doesn't scare me anymore.
My past is free, and I don't care anymore.
I had a another dream about xander.
But get this, it was me saying goodbye.
cool huh?
:D



"Like branches on a tree, we may grow in different directions, yet our roots remain as one. Each of our lives will always be a special part of the other..."

HA.
I know I wasn't gonna write anything about you.
But I had a dream about you, too.
I saw you for the first time in like five years.
I was married, and you weren't.
You had a part time job.
A small dirty apartment.
And nothing you wanted for your life was happening.
It was extremely sad.
I felt horrible.

That quote on your profile.
I hope to God that isn't about me.
When you chop down a tree, the roots eventually shrivel up and die.
You chopped down our tree, it isn't still growing.
I planted a new one, and your roots are no where to be found.
And I have feeling that this tree, will be bigger and more beautiful than that tree could have ever been.


So, I can't promise I won't think about you, and that you don't still affect me.
Because I do, and you will.
But that doesn't mean anything.
You were a big part of my life.
Bigger than anyone else.
But you left like everyone else does.
This time though, I expected it.
I don't cry myself to sleep, I don't think about trying to get you back.
You'll always mean a great deal to me, but in the past tense.


I get to see you tonight.
And I am so excited to be able to actually talk to you :)
No interruptions.
:D