free minded

"Remembering. You know in movies, well, my life is playing like that, I'm just remembering everything."
"It makes me think of what I'm looking for."



Why did I ask you to hang out with me today? How can someone who used to make you so happy, make you want to cry with everything they say?
The things you said today, are the things that made me like you so much, but now they just hurt.
"I've only had one crush this year, but I don't know who they are yet."
That was the cutest thing you ever said.
Remember when we used to tell each other pick up lines?
You're favorite was always "ever wonder why you have spaces between your fingers? It's so my fingers can fit there."
Remember that day that you said our hands fit perfectly together? yeah, well it's a shame that our lives didn't.

"you're making me sad, you can stop now."
"Trees make me think of people, every tree is different, so is every person."


"And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again" - everlong by the foo fighters

"what does this song make you think of? Look at the words"
"It makes me think of a man who is completely happy with whoever he's with. What does it make you think of? Listen to the words."
"It makes me think of what I'm looking for"

What happened to being happy with me? What happened to you being able to see me as your high school sweet heart. I've reverted, because I want you back, I want you to help me again. Even if I don't need your help anymore. I want you back. And I don't know what's wrong with me, I almost had a breakdown when I was with you. What is going on with me? I can't stop crying when I think of you. The fact that I'm not the one you're looking for anymore. That I never was. The fact that you'll be happier with whoever you date next, than you were with me.

I lied, you know? When I said I wouldn't wait for you. I'll always wait for you. Because when I sang along with you, I was happy. Fully and completely. Why couldn't you feel it, too?

I had to get out of the car when you said that, I couldn't let you see me cry. I couldn't let you see me lost again. It was almost like you made me complete. And I know you so well. I knew you were gonna take me to livingston. I don't know how, but I knew.

We stood there, looking out at the pond. The stormy grey sky overhead. We stood there, and we just watched. I don't know if we thought the same thing, but I do know that we felt the same way. You wanted to leave because it made you sad, I wanted to stay because it made me sad. You don't like that feeling, I love it. While I stood there by myself, while you were on the bench, I could feel you watching me. No idea what you were thinking, but I know you were watching. My hair was blowing in the wind, and for some reason, I just wanted to take a dive into the pond. I wanted to feel the cold all around me, as much on the outside as I feel on the inside. I thought of what you'd do if you saw me jump, would you join me? would you shout at me? or would you dive in after me, just to save me. Just like you used to do. Just like old times.

"What does this whole thing make you realize?"
"It made me realize that being friends with you, will take a lot more effort than I'm willing to give."

I lied again. I want to be friends with you, I do, but just the thought of you makes me want to go back to everything I gave up. Being without you, just makes me sad.


"you're free minded, that's something no one else has."
"And that was enough to balance out everything else?"
"yeah, yeah it was."

Why isn't it anymore?