nothing is permanent, but change

"sometimes you have to come out of your comfort zone."
Come on sweetie, isn't that what you've been teaching me for months now?
Always telling me to face my fears, people, my thoughts, and worst of all, myself.
But then here you are. Telling me that everyone has a comfort zone, that they need to have.
Why wasn't that an option when it came to my comfort zone? You basically told me I had to get rid of it.
"Make the world your comfort zone." That is the advice I give to you now. I know you have those thoughts in your head, and that your mind is your comfort zone. Everyone's mind is there comfort zone. But most people talk about what goes through their minds. I realized last night, that I've told you so many secrets about myself. And yet, I hardly know any of yours, and although you say it's not because you don't trust me, it is. You don't trust me with your thoughts. I don't know why, and I might never, but I'm gonna try to understand, and learn them. I promise you this, though, I will never force you. I know how that feels, and it's not a good feeling. Being forced to do the one thing you know you aren't ready to do. Facing your demons, the tentacles of life. Sometimes, we just aren't ready to face them.

So on this day, I say happy three month anniversary. But on this day, I'm also making you a promise. A promise that I'm going to help you, just they way you've helped me.
I make ths promise already knowing this is going to be difficult, and that you'll resist. I will help you face your fears, and I will help you conquer them.
I promise.

I feel so inferior to everyone. Especially when I go to english class. "shut up meg, no one cares what you think." "c'mon meg, you can't honestly think you're not ugly." "you deserve no better than the dirt you walk on." and then you have the people that think I'm strong? "you're one of the strongest girls I've ever met" "I'm so jealous of you, no one else, just you." "you've come so far." I don't think I understand. I have all these people putting me down, so regularly, to the point I believe everything they say. And then these liars come saying that I've changed, that I'm strong, that my life is worth something. No. okay? just no. give up on me, just like everyone else.

And no, this isn't me giving up on myself. Because I am happy. I just don't understand why anyone would be jealous of me? I'm vulgar, I flirt too much, I act like a boy. People point it out, too. That I talk and act like a boy. I'm not ashamed of that. I like who I am. I just don't expect other people to.

The more confident I act during a day, the more people put me down. They know it's a fake confidence. They know.


if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way- hurt by nine inch nails.