I lied to you, to help you continue with the process.

I'm trying.
Trying to find that little girl that I lost forever and a day ago.
Not the little girl exactly, I need to find the woman she was supposed to become.
Because I know that this is not who she was supposed to be.

Jesua, you helped me so much last night.
Just talking to you for two hours.
We're so alike in so many ways. But people deny it.

Oh, and you. I am not anything like you. I became like you.
I adapt to whomever I'm around the most, and lately that's been you and Kyle.
So shove it. Don't tell me who I am.
No one knows, not even me.

Around Jesua, I feel like I can be myself completely. I can talk to him about anything, and he'll listen. Give a few words of wisdom, and then relate my story to something that's been happening to him in Texas.

I feel so terrible for him. He has only a few friends there. I don't understand. He's absolutely amazing. Full of knowledge, entertaining, open, religious. Best friend always. I promise.

Talking to you the other night helped too.
No serious conversation, not for the most part anyways. Until you decided we needed to ask each other questions. You know I have those questions I cannot under any circumstance ask you...

"scale of one to ten?"
"maybe a seven or eight."

To be honest, when you said that, I felt so happy. I shouldn't have. Because there's not really anything good that can come out of this.
And I'm sorry I was being so stupid. I just feel like I don't know you anymore. And I don't like that. Please just let me in again?


I need to find that girl, and who she was supposed to be when she grew older.
You said you'd help me.
Was that a promise?




I realized lately that I have a control over people, that I do not want.
I don't like it, and I honestly don't understand how I got it.
Can you teach me how to get rid of that control I have, too?
I'll teach you how to have it, if you teach me how to get rid of it.
You wouldn't have to use force or stubborn-ness to trick people into doing what you want anymore.
You'll be able to make them do whatever you want, and I know you of all people would not take advantage of it. But I, I do.
And I, I need to get rid of it.