Not here.
It's the only place I feel safe anymore.
Far away enough from home, close enough to civilization.
People I trust...
But do I really trust them?
Forcing me to get up when I fall. Telling me everything will be okay. Being there.
Being there for me, through all the lies I tell. Don't feel sorry for me. I'm just here to draw attention to myself. Attention I don't deserve. Lies I shouldn't tell. People who shouldn't care.
I just wanted to curl up and die in that chair.
I didnt want you to pay attention to me.
Not now.
Self examining myself. Again.
When do I ever stop?
Beat myself up for every thing I do.
And trust me, when I say I deserve it.
You can argue with me as much as you'd like, but that doesn't mean it's not true.
No one knows who I really am. Not the people closest to me. Or the ones who have always been around. You know who I am, when I'm around you. Not when I'm by myself.
When I want to hide in my closet from everything.
This world that I've created, imagined, it to be.
The one I can't change now. I've merged with it. I am it.
There's nothing here, that I have not caused.
I deserve hatred. The one thing I want, the one thing no one will give me.
I can't stop shaking.
My fingers beat faster than my heart ever will.
ever can.
I don't belong here.
This world is too good for me.
you may think it's pretty messed up, but you have no idea. Look through my eyes. Try to see what I see. Horrors you can't even begin to imagine. Things you wouldn't want to imagine. Lucky are the ones who live care free lives.
I should have a care free life. So why do I force all these terrors here?
People always say its not your fault, that the parent is pyschotic. Mad if you will.
But he never did anything for something stupid.
If I forgot a chore, let my room become a mess, talk back to my mother, that's when he'd strike.
It was always my fault. He was trying to teach me right from wrong. I was just so stubborn, I never learned it.
I wish I wasn't so lazy. That I could do schoolwork. Be in level fours, like I always dreamed I'd be. But now I concern myself with whether or not I'll be able to graduate with the few credits I recieved this year. My stomach churns at the thought of staying back.
It churns at the idea of people knowing how far down I've fallen.
This hole I've dug, if only there was a way out.
It didn't take me long to dig it. It'll take years before I can climb out.
"Come down
And waste away with me
Down with me " everlong by the foo fighters.
Save me. Please come back. And save me.
All I need now, is your support here with me.
You know I can't ask you, when will you come back, help me find my way out of this cage?
"Coming out of my cage,
and I've been doing just fine.
Gotta, gotta be down,
because I want it all."- mr. brightside by the killers.
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