babe, what's wrong?

I feel horrible.
Because I am a horrible person. Sorry Tim, but I am. No sane person does what I do.
And I'm hurting you so much, I don't mean to, I really really never meant to. But I am, because for some reason these feelings just won't go away. And because of that I've left you confused, and myself hurt.
"When I see you, I see a girl trying to act as normal as she can, but on the inside she's screaming for help."
How do you understand me so perfectly? Why am I not completely falling for you? You are absolutely amazing, and Xander, well he's just Xander. There's no other way to describe it. He told me we were best friends, talked to me everyday, promised to hang out. And then one day, he stopped talking to me. I don't know if it's because he didn't want to like me anymore, or he just got sick of me. But that hurt more than anyone can ever imagine. He was this guy, that I had absolutely fallen for. When he messaged me, my heart beat faster, when we talked in the hallways I couldn't stop smiling, and football games were my favorite, because I spent them with him. But when he stopped talking to me I'd wait for a message and never get it, I'd fix his hood in the hallway, he wouldn't turn around, and he ignored me completely at football games. And that my friends, hurt so so so badly. I could have been in love with him, but I refuse to think that's what it was, falling in love always ends up with someone hurt. So maybe I did fall in love, because I'm definitely hurt. Oh, and the best part, HE thinks I hate him. What??? I could never ever hate him, for the past five months I've been trying to figure out why he hates me so much, and what I did to him. Turns out, he doesn't hate me. What does that mean? And when I tried to talk to him on the phone last night, he said no, because he didn't think it was appropriate since I'm dating Tim. Tim says it's okay, because I need to talk to him face to face. But no one understands that I can't do that.
"can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?"
Not now Tim, not after everything that's happened, maybe if we were friends again.

"meg please don't cry."
What you didn't know is that I had been crying, I'd been crying since I told you everything about us. And then we started talking about Xander, and well, whenever I talk about him, I cry.
"meg, do you dream about him?"
I dream about him a lot. I don't sleep hardly at all anymore, because I want those dreams to go away, I don't want them here. I don't need them, they aren't helping me.
"I'm gonna tell him how he can make it with Jade"
I don't want him to make it with Jade. Because no matter what she's gonna hurt him. She likes a new guy almost every week, he told me that months ago when he stopped liking her then. I just don't want her to hurt him.
"babe, I just, don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do, you'll never have the same feelings for me that you have for him"
Tim, they will never be the same, but I DO have feelings for you, I have strong feelings for you, and I don't wanna lose you because of him. And because of what I felt for him.
I want him back as a friend, that's all, I want you as my boyfriend