I feel numb.

I ended it with the most amazing guy ever.
Why?
Because I am the biggest bitch I've ever met.
I fully understand why so many people hate me now.
It's all falling into place.
I broke up with you, for such a stupid reason, but we both know things won't work out now. I don't want him as anything more than a friend. I don't even want him as a friend. I just wanna know what happened.
I hate how big a deal I've made this.

And now everyone is forcing me to talk to him. Tim tried to bring me to him. He said he wasn't home, which he actually wasn't. He got her to call him. I really dislike that girl.
"I know what's going on, she likes him and he doesn't like her, and you're trying to get him to like her." Who the fuck do you think you are? You do realize me and Tim were dating like an hour before you said that. I also don't think you have the authority to tell me what's going on. But still you made me feel really bad, and I just wanted to go home and cry. What does it matter to you if I like him or not? I like Tim. Not that kid, I liked him once a long time ago, but that doesn't matter now anymore. Whatever happened to that girl who hadn't cried in three years? And now all of a sudden, I'm having breakdowns during band, and I seem to always be crying.

I miss you more than ever before, and I hate myself more than ever.

The only reason I called you so many times last night, it because I liked your calling tone. It's what I fell asleep to. It's a good song kid.

I fucked everything up again. Who would have guessed?
And please babe, don't blame this on yourself. This was me messing up really badly.
"when you have room in your heart, please consider me?" of course. I will always consider you