I wished I could rewind.

Is this why you're so angry with me?
Because I want you to come to church with me, just to see?
I know you have your beliefs. I just want to show you what makes me, well, me.
I'm sorry.

I hate school.
And I hate people.
I wish everyone would just leave me alone, and let me get through the day on my own.
So yes, I was sick today. Sick with my own thoughts.
I didn't go to school, because I felt sick to my stomach. And because I was worried I would just break down and not be able to do anything.

I don't understand why people think I'm such a whore. What is their definition? Because, I've never done more than make out with someone. But somehow, someway, there are rumors going around that I'm pregnant, and that I have an STD. How do you get an STD without having sex? I suppose if its hereditary, but I'm pretty positive I'm clean. And unless I'm the virgin Mary, I'm not pregnant. Who would I be pregnant by? I'm not dating anyone, and I don't plan on having sex until I'm married. So sorry for the people who like to talk about me, but your lies don't make any sense, whatsoever. But then, if its not true, why does it bother me so much? Maybe because I don't want people thinking things like that of me. Or that I lose friends because of it. Maybe that some people who have never even met me, already have a false idea of who and what I am.

p.s. I love how you went up to one of my best friends saying shit about me. And that he pointed it out to you. I hope you felt stupid and immature.

HA, you know what makes me laugh the hardest though? The fact that you've had sex with multiple people, but yet, me being the virgin, is labeled the slut.



on another note. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that things I say to you bother you. If something I say bothers you, tell me, please? Because then I'll know not to say it to you ever again. I just want us to be okay. More than anything actually. I don't know how we have any hard feelings between us. Because somewhere deep inside, I know we both still have hope that everything will be okay. That maybe somehow, we're supposed to be together. But I don't like to think about that too much. I don't want it to be something else that bothers you. I don't want to be that annoying ex girlfriend, who always says she wants you back. You already have one of those. So maybe, I can remain your friend, and maybe someday, it'll be more than that.
But I do need to call you, and talk to you. I need to apologize to you.
Why do I always feel the need to apologize to you? Because when I do, you normally just say it doesn't matter anyways. Maybe because I know it does bother you, you just don't want to make me feel bad.