no title for disturbancies.

no.
No.
NO.

crap.
I didn't mean to do that.
Why do I always say things that sound so offensive?
I always say it, but I still do mean it, I never aim to make you mad.
No wonder I felt like I was supposed to apologize to you last night. It all makes sense now. I didn't even need to read your blog.
So maybe if my sense about that was right, and my sense about Stuart was right.
Maybe my sense about the other thing is right too...
I think the fact that I apologize too much makes me mentally think I'm doing something wrong, and then I actually do. shit.


Have you ever noticed that when you lie on the grass, its really uncomfortable at first, but then it just feels really good? Well I was lying on the grass, looking around my yard. And everything seemed too familiar. And I just need to get away from here for a while. That's why I wanted to go to Virginia. Why I can't wait to go on the Reckless trip. Why I was excited to go camping with you. But that doesn't seem very likely anymore. We would probably drive each other insane. But to be perfectly honest with you, that's what I was looking forward to the most.

And I do need you.
I know I do.
I just feel like I shouldn't anymore.
I feel like I'm being too clingy and I don't want you to get irritated with me.
But everything I do, ends up triggering the one thing I didn't want to happen.


I'm gonna go read for a really long time.
The only way I can actually get away, besides sleeping.


But with reading I don't think about my own thoughts. I can't do that with sleeping.
stupid sub conscience.